008 s.vulpio 09.2018

Sarah Vulpio

Freelance Writer

Location icon United States

Portfolio
Cosmopolitan
10/04/2019
These Are Arguably the 25 Best Places to Break Up With Someone

TBH, breaking up with someone is even more difficult than getting broken up with. You have to choose a time and a place, when no time and place seem right. Seriously, where's the perfect spot to tell them you're sick of hearing them chew while they eat so you're done here?

Cosmopolitan
09/19/2019
FYI, Here's What Every Sign's Tinder Bio Would Say

For those of us who just need to know a dating-app match's birth chart before we proceed to even consider a date, asking for one can feel like A Lot. Plus, what if they don't know their birth time?

Little Old Lady Comedy
08/21/2019
A List Of Everyone Waiting In Your Friend Request Queue

Photo by Kaboompics .com on Pexels.com Facebook was created to bring people closer together, to feel a connection to someone even when you're miles away. When you first signed up, getting a friend request felt like shooting heroin. The feeling was addictive. Someone wanted to be your friend. Yours.

Cosmopolitan
08/09/2019
42 Thoughts Women Have During Blow Jobs

While blow jobs are a great measure to get the party started, there is quite a bit of downtime, so it's easy for one's mind to wander. I mean, of course, I'm thinking about your peen, but I'm also wondering if my Groupon is still valid.

Cosmopolitan
06/13/2019
So Here's What Are Women *Actually* Doing While Sexting

Sexting is a great way to express sexual desires with a partner and can be very fun. Unfortunately, it's super rare that I'm actually doing all the *sexy* things that I say I am. I know you imagine me lying in bed, touching myself to Usher's Confessions, but the truth is, I'm at Target picking out a new shower rod.

Pointsincase
Believable Fake Identities You Can Use to Catfish Your Ex

And why shouldn't you? He broke your heart after he dumped you on your birthday in the parking lot of a Chile's. Chile's. Now, before you go making up an identity with an elaborate backstory accompanied by unrealistic-yet-easily-Googleable photos, remember: the best catfishes are the believable ones.

Pointsincase
My Declaration of Independence From This Conversation

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all conversations are not created equal; that some are boring as hell and a complete waste of time. Yes, it's unusually warm for October. Please stop talking to me. With a long train of abuses and usurpations, it is my right, it is my duty, to bring this to your attention.

Pointsincase
No, I'm Not a Turkey Wearing a Mustache, It's Me, Your Uncle Joe

I love Thanksgiving. It's been my favorite time of year since your father and I were human, featherless children. And while we're all gathered here today, let me tell you my favorite story from our childhood that I was definitely a part of.

The Pink Canoe
04/16/2018
Woman's Waist Trainer Actually Trains Waist to Sit, Speak, and Roll Over

The FDA administered a recall for all waist trainers after an Indianapolis woman reported that her waist trainer did not reduce the size of her waist, but instead trained her waist to sit, speak, and roll over. Julia Banks, 36, said she was in the middle of a pilates class when she heard a strange sound coming from her abdomen.

Cleveland Scene
12/07/2016
The Comedy Issue: So, It's Your First Christmas Alone

The holidays are a time for family, good food, and checking your account balance to make sure you didn't overdraft after Black Friday. (Spoiler alert: you probably did. You always do.) The holidays are also a time for love, according to every ABC Family original movie ever made.

Sarah Vulpio
07/08/2016
Driver's Ed (Pilot)

An original sitcom about what happens when you let teenagers get behind the wheel.

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