The Panasonic Toughpad Press Conference
Why am I here in this basement in Munich at the age of 26 staring at a man fire a laser pointer at a graph? How did this happen? I wanted to be a Sky Pirate.
I am a freelance games journalist and writer with work in magazines and websites all over the place. If you'd like some words of your very own, I can put them in order for you in exchange for reasonable amounts of money.
Below is a selection of some of the online work I'm happiest with; if you're interested in looking at my print work, come over sometime and I'll let you root through my magazine cupboards.
Why am I here in this basement in Munich at the age of 26 staring at a man fire a laser pointer at a graph? How did this happen? I wanted to be a Sky Pirate.
This piece was originally published in the now-defunct Limitless Magazine. It's a good piece, so in order to let people read it, I'm reproducing it here.
"You put all your eggs in one basket then you throw that basket through a plate-glass window into the face of a mafioso goon and hope that it kills him." First things first: I ADORE MAX PAYNE.
I get the feeling that Knight Solaire enjoys ginger beer, and the amount of ginger beer that he prefers is LASHINGS.
I just finished playing Kane & Lynch 2: Dog Days. I'm four years late, I realise. It is a brutal thing; a club of a game. A blunt instrument.
The Penny Arcade Expo, the biggest consumer gaming convention in the world, this weekend finally left the boundaries of the US to land in Australia. Setting up in the soggy Melbourne Showgrounds for a three-day festival of talks, exhibitions and games, with gamers flocking to Pax Australia from all over Australia and New Zealand - people passionate about playing and discovering what the industry is likely to offer next.
Contains up to 11 pieces of good advice on tabletop roleplaying.
Ubisoft put on the old razzle-dazzle with their Assassin's Creed 4 announcement.
It's been a lifelong dream of mine to write for PC Gamer, and I finally got the chance.
Also contains the story of how I smuggled my best friend into Capcom Towers, where we got drunk on free cocktails.
Two different readings of Connor from Assassin's Creed III, one of which is "Batman."
Once you throw a vending machine at a man's face, everything else seems boring.
Yet another article about Spec Ops, which is probably the most important game released in 2012.
In which I try to understand how Euro Truck Simulator is actually a thing.
In which I get to grips with EA's latest corridor hell simulator.
7 ways to become better at games, but probably not in the way you'd think.
In which I talk to THQ's misanthropic Head of Communications.
In which I come to terms with what I've done in 2K's War-Is-Hell shooter.
In which I play Little Big Planet Karting, chat to the developers, and learn about a game with almost no boundaries.
In which I waffle on about how wonderful Assassin's Creed 3 looks. GUESS I WAS WRONG
In which I teach readers how to Kiss. Contains no good advice.
In which I pick ten games and write some funny words about 'em.
In which I recommend some new family board games.
In which I tell readers how to talk to women, but like a pirate, on account of it being International Talk Like A Pirate Day.
In which I play Sonic Generations and revert to a childlike state.
In which I talk about the unsung heroes of the gaming world: the buttons.
In which I swear, a lot, and chat about elves.