I was a comedian who relied on her humor to get through life - the last thing I wanted from my boyfriend was confirmation that I'd told a joke. And yet, "Yep," was the extent of Stefan's response...
I was a comedian who relied on her humor to get through life - the last thing I wanted from my boyfriend was confirmation that I'd told a joke. And yet, "Yep," was the extent of Stefan's response...
Here's why I've become jealous of my friends. They are friends without me. They no longer need me to be there with them.
Pilar and I have just finished our 8-mile jog around the neighborhood. Without showering, armed with carob and water, we plop ourselves down on oversized pillows in front of the T.V. to watch...
Look for people - younger or older than you - whose work you admire, and approach them graciously and gratefully
There's an upside to fear. "My Freeway Phobia Drove Me into the Arms of My Greatest Love" is published by Christine Schoenwald in The Narrative Arc.
I have a toxic mother. After receiving a breakup letter from my mother, I waited for about a month and called her. I should have waited two months, or maybe I should have started our break from each other right then and there.
I'd like to state for the record that I wasn't then nor am I now, bitter about not getting cast in our high school production of "South Pacific." Being on the Make-Up crew with my two friends, Lynne, and Debbie was glory enough.
While others were thinking about early retirement, I was thinking about a midlife career change. I committed myself to being a writer, even though I wasn't being paid to write. I had no choice but to make it work, and I drew on unused skills from my college background in acting to accomplish it.
"Five dollars," my mother says to the man wearing a hat with a clover leaf on it. She's referring to the box springs, mattress and frame that are lying in the middle of our driveway. "For each or for all?" "All, but get them out of here by dusk!"
One of my favorite things to do as an introvert is to challenge what people believe about introverts - and prove to them that their preconceived notions about us are false. For example, I like to show them that misconceptions like all introverts are shy aren't necessarily true.
My mother hates Mother's Day. It's the one holiday where I'm completely off the hook - the one day when having a cranky, eccentric parent pays off.
Named one of the Next Avenue's Editor's Picks for 2019!!
Yoshi is sitting on the table next to me with his head on my arm, which makes it challenging to type. He's all about proximity these days as he wants a steady stream of affection and warmth from his humans.
There's something about fluffy cat breeds that just works. There's something about fluffy cats that just works. They could be long-haired or have a body surrounded by thick, dense and plush fur, and we can't get enough of them. That's because these fluffy cats have an almost magical presence in our lives.
I never want to forget him even a little Yoshi has been dead for over two years. Thirty months, two kittens, and one conversation with a pet psychic later, I can finally think of him without crying. This doesn't mean I've recovered from his death. I haven't I don't think I ever will.
Did you know that people used to be really weird about what kind of pet each sex should have?
Cats are great at communicating when it comes to things like being hungry, needing affection, or going outside. However, when you make a feline-faux-paw or do something they find egregious, they don't say a word. If you're not paying attention, you might miss your cat's frustration at something you unintentionally did.
My cat Yoshi is ghosting me, and I don't know what to do about it. When I say ghosting, I don't mean that a ghost cat is haunting me (What do ghost cats even say? Boo mew?)
I don't know why some people think it's okay to say hateful things about cats to people who love cats. If you can't say anything nice about cats, then what's wrong with you? If you're not a cat super-fan, you should be able to find something kind about them or at least know enough to keep your mouth closed and your opinions to yourself.
I absolutely adore my cat Yoshi and think he's amazing. Of course, I'm not alone in my devotion, we all love our pets and consider them uniquely wonderful. Our pets love us unconditionally, are there for our emotional well-being, and yet, ask for so little in return.
Growing up with a narcissistic mother has made me an expert on narcissists and toxic people. Though undiagnosed, my mother shows all the classic traits of narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD): she lacks empathy, has to be the center of attention, is entitled, manipulative, and never takes responsibility for anything.
Get everything you can out of it Do you write personal essays? If you've never written a personal essay or you just don't like them, you're missing out. Essays of all types are some of the most versatile and hardworking writing forms out there.
Today is an ordinary day - no crisis, drama, or complex problems need to be solved. However, I feel overwhelmed, and not by any one thing, but by the many parts that make up my day-to-day life. I have less than no energy, even though I haven't done much.
My mother doesn't like most people and that includes me, her only surviving child. We get along a lot better on the phone than in person. And although I call her often, I don't talk to her every day. At 98, her hearing is practically non-existent, and she rarely hears either of her two phones ringing.
During the nine months that Jerod and I dated, I'd cheated on him for over half of it with his eccentric friend Stefan. When I was forced to choose between the two of them, I chose Stefan. I told myself I didn't want Jerod, but that didn't mean I was completely over him or that I didn't want him to want me.
I was single and terrified of relationships. I limited myself to meeting men in cyberspace. The Internet may have wires, but it doesn't have strings. Online chatting was a good way for me to flirt and practice my social skills without fear of getting hurt.
When I was getting my B.A., I lived in a house full of other theater arts department students. To me, living in a big house with a bunch of people was a rite of passage, something that everyone needed to do in order to learn how to live, and get along, with others.
My father was a mystery to me. I knew he was from Vienna, Austria, but that was about it. He was always nicely dressed, spoke with the kind of accent that people who learn British English have, and walked so quickly it was as if he was on the run from something or someone.
"Do you know anyone in Karachi, Pakistan?" the customer service agent asked me for a second time.I could tell by the tone of her voice that she was getting annoyed, but I couldn't answer her right away. To most people it didn't sound like the trick question it was for me.
"I'm doing a big purge," my mother tells me. When most people say this, it doesn't inspire the same kind of alarm and confusion as when my mother says it. Perhaps they're a hoarder, and purging is the first step of their recovery.
No one ages in the same way or at the same rate. "When It Comes to Aging, You Do You" is published by Christine Schoenwald in Crow's Feet.
When every lunch ended with my friend making me cry, I knew I needed to end the relationship. I planned to fade out of her life peacefully without any ugly confrontations. Was this cowardly? Maybe a little. But as an introvert, I hate confrontation and avoid it whenever I can.
We were two degrees of separation from the iconic star I was looking for something fun and mindless to watch and was searching all the streaming platforms I have. A movie, "A Swingin' Summer" (1965) caught my eye. It was a beach movie but set at Lake Arrowhead.
With our busy lives, multitasking is an essential skill for almost everyone. Unfortunately, it's an ability some introverts may feel they lack. And I speak from personal experience: I'm an introverted freelance writer who struggles to multitask. Although I try to spread out my deadlines, more often than not, it seems all my projects end up being due on the same day.
A friend doesn't make you cry on the regular "Not the stripper!" I said. Everybody celebrating Sasha's birthday at the Japanese BBQ restaurant froze. It was Sasha's friend's friend, who I called a stripper, and the friend flared up in supportive anger.
When I was in a sketch comedy troupe, we had special performances called industry nights for casting directors, agents, and managers. Admission to the show was free. (There were also free appetizers and wine to put these show business gatekeepers in a good mood.)
Misophonia is a condition where certain sounds drive people into a burst of rage or disgust.
By Christine Schoenwald It turns out that it's not whoever has the most stuff wins; it's whomever has had the most experiences wins, and ends up being happier. Say what? Aren't we supposed to save all our money so we can keep up with having the newest of phones, TVs, and cars?
The letter arrived today. This originally appeared on Role Reboot. Republished here with permission. Although I won't mark it return to sender, neither will I read the whole thing in one sitting. I'll take it in small doses-the way I would with any kind of bitter medicine.
I learned early on I didn't have a gift for revenge I was six when I played my first and last game of Marco Polo in the McCormack family's pool. Not wanting to be thought ineligible for the game, I neglected to tell them I couldn't swim.
She was a narcissistic parent My mother's dog, Billy, one of the few beings on the planet that she truly loves has stopped sleeping on her bed at night. My mother's caregiver, Rachel, says this is a sign that my mother won't be around to see her 98th birthday in March.
Over the years, I've done stand-up and sketch comedy, performed in storytelling shows, and even acted in plays. I loved the feeling of having an audience in the palm of my hand. So you may be surprised to learn that I'm an introvert.
Some trauma, drama, and enough laughter to balance it out. "A Brief Biography of My Life Told in Six Word Chapters" is published by Christine Schoenwald in The Memoirist.
I was unfaithful in the past, but does that mean I'm a cheater forever? If a cheater attempts to change their behavior, do those changes stick or are the possibilities of them cheating always there? If the latter is true, how can a cheater ever be trusted?
Politics aside, we can all agree that Donald J. Trump is a narcissist. When he doesn't get the attention, he thinks he deserves - a mind-blowing amount, he strikes out, has a meltdown, or acts outrageously. He's never been one for taking the high road, and he appears to be incapable of showing any grace.
Ghosting, just typing that word makes my stomach turn. I wish it meant spirits and talking to dead people - that would be a lot less confusing, annoying, and hurtful. According to the Urban Dictionary, "Ghosting is the act of suddenly stopping all communication with someone that the subject is
My swimsuit phobia started in middle school - that breeding ground of body shame and fear. One minute I'm a kid excitedly putting on my pink two-piece and running into the ocean, the next, I'm avoiding any place where people are known to live in their swimsuits and I might be forced to wear one.
We've all heard about the woman who marries a ghost, but what about their engagement?
Sometimes your family is made out of people who aren't related to you, and aren't required to love you-they just choose to be there for you. "Whee," says Cynthia as she whips her motorized shopping cart around the corner, and into the pasta aisle, nearly hitting a customer reaching out for an extra-large box of ...
This applies if you only have one good parent My father was six weeks away from turning sixty-eight when he had a massive heart attack and died while taking a shortcut through a sporting goods store. He wasn't one to take things slow - he walked briskly, he had a fast-moving brain, and in the end, he died fast.
The two leads are suing Paramount for child abuse. "Zeffirelli's Romeo and Juliet Is My Favorite Movie, Am I Supposed to Give It Up Forever?" is published by Christine Schoenwald in The Narrative Arc.
There are many different kinds of toxic friends: the narcissistic friend, the friend you have to make all the plans with, the flaky friend, the friend who takes advantage of you, and the friend you have nothing in common with. Some you hang...
I'm pretty obsessed with Yoshi, but he just isn't marriage material. I recently read a story about a British woman happily to her two cats, Lugosi and Spider. I wasn't as shocked as some of the commenters were since I'm familiar with the concept of feline/human marriage.
Was it me he remembered or a sophisticated lady named Crissa? It was an ordinary night out with friends until actor Tim Curry came into the restaurant and looked at me with recognition in his eyes.
My mother is hazardous to my health. I'm not exaggerating when I say anytime I have contact with her, it affects my health negatively: my blood pressure and anxiety spike, and I have digestive issues, headaches, and chest pains.
It's been said that we can't truly love another person if they don't laugh with us, or make us laugh. It makes sense - there are endless laughter benefits. Couples who laugh together have a stronger bond, and are able to overcome the stresses and conflicts in their relationship.
Multiple studies have found that people who wear crazy socks are rebellious, interesting, expressive, and successful.
I don't care how comfortable you are with your own body, we all have those moments where we think about how we smell down there. Maybe it's at the doctor's office before a pelvic exam, or it might be as your partner is making their way to your vagina for some up-close and personal fun.
Contrary to popular belief, cats are emotional creatures. They're not always aloof or cold - they have emotions and needs just like humans do. Cats may have very different ways of showing how they feel or requesting what they need, but they feel happiness, loneliness, anger, grief, and even joy.
He was resistant to my ideas We used to be that house. Every neighborhood has one; the creepy-looking house with all the great Christmas decorations or the one with the broken-down crap in front.
We never went back When I was a kid, not only didn't we have a car, neither of my parents drove. Tragically, I was in college before I experienced the glories of a drive-in movie theater. By then, drive-ins were on their way out.
Whenever I called my dad, I'd let the phone ring three times and hang up. Then, seconds later, he'd call me back. He devised this system as a way for me to save money. I'm fairly certain many parents, and their children had this same method, but my Dad thought he'd invented it.
Every citizen will get their own reality show Kim Kardashian is going to be the Mayor of our town. I don't know when but someday. Kim isn't content being a billionaire and major influencer. She wants to include being governor on her list of achievements, and a good first step would be becoming Mayor of Glendale...
There are many different kinds of toxic friends: the narcissistic friend, the friend you have to make all the plans with, the flaky friend, the friend who takes advantage of you, and the friend you have nothing in common with. Some you hang on, and others you need to get out of your life.
Dear Matt, I wanted to let you know I've asked Head Office for a re-assignment. I'll no longer be your guardian angel two weeks from today. I can't wait!! Leaving one's post is frowned upon by the higher-ups, but I can't take your bullsh*t a second longer.
We all need someone to look up to and emulate as we grow up. Someone to show us a way forward and inspire us to be better versions of ourselves. When we get older, we may also need role-models to embody the qualities we desire in ourselves.
You don't know how it happened, but somehow you let down your guard, and a narcissist slipped into your life. You've been burned before, and you're educated on their behavior. What threw you this time was that the narcissist was a woman.
We were almost there - my mother's house, 300 miles away from our house when outside of Stockton, we were rear-ended on the highway. Our packed car was totaled, but we were shaken, but okay. The plan had been to stay with my mother for 10 days and help her out.
What would you do to save a pet that you loved? If you're like most people, you will do whatever you could, but sometimes some things prevent you from saving their lives. When I say I loved my cat Yoshi more than anything in the world - it isn't an exaggeration.
A friend driving home on the freeway ran into some trouble and had to take a detour through the small town my mother lives in. My friend considered stopping in on my mother for a moment but then thought better of it.
Can my memory be trusted? I was a few months shy of my 14th birthday when my parents sent me to an alternative Quaker boarding school for the summer. I don't think they were trying to torture me, even though that's how it felt.
From an early age, I knew I didn't want to grow up and be like my mother. She was self-centered, cold, and mostly disinterested in what anybody had to say, including me. She's a narcissist and has many other terrible qualities and personality traits besides narcissism. Still, she also...
What happens on the way home from Vegas My partner, Andy, and I gasped as snowflakes coated our car as we headed out of Las Vegas. Las Vegas isn't where you go for snow. Isn't the cocaine variety of snow the kind of snow you find there, not the crystalline water-ice that falls silently from the clouds?
A call to the manager wouldn't have made the same impact I was checking in returns when I found a used condom stuck between two videotapes. Was this an accident or a commentary on our customer service?
Someone or something was looking out for us Whenever Meena and I wanted vegetarian Indian food with a side of danger, we went to Parus in Hollywood. The restaurant was located on the sketchier part of Sunset Blvd and had a huge metal gate in front of it.
My ego was bigger than my talent When I was in junior high, my goal was to be Elton John's cover wife. He hadn't come out yet, but the lady across the street told me he was gay and belched a lot. I wanted to help him out by being his beard.
The personality traits we look for in others and prize in ourselves, such as empathy, fairness, and generosity, are some of the qualities many wealthy people are missing.
It can be the smallest of gestures, the simplest of phrases, and the quietest of actions that make us think that the person we're having a conversation with is truly connecting with us.
As if turning thirteen doesn't suck enough already I was barely 13 years old, but I could tell my party sucked. Watching the guests leave forty-five minutes after arriving was a clear sign that this wouldn't be the grooviest birthday slumber party ever.
She finds it all so tedious CW: Mentions of suicide and abuse. Shortly after my father died of a heart attack while walking through a sporting goods store, my mother and I got into a huge fight. This dispute was over where she should go in the line-up of eulogists at his funeral.
We learned long ago that if we didn't follow the litter-box rules my cats had set forth, there would be hell to pay. If anything, cats know how to punish those who don't follow their wishes. Every cat is unique, and you'll have to adjust to your own cat's needs and quirks.
Trigger Warning: this article contains descriptions of sexual assault that may not be suitable for all readers. Fearless community, please read with care.
Although Bob Ross was a painter, art instructor, and television host, those weren't the things that brought him fame and made him a pop-culture icon. It was his calming voice, his optimism, and his perm. Not many people took his art seriously, which was okay with him.
"I'm sorry I said you were a terrible writer," my mother said. It's a rare thing when my mother apologizes to me or anyone, so when she does, it feels more like a warning shot than her admitting she made a mistake.
We're great at recognizing other people's achievements, but it's much more challenging to see and appreciate our own. How many times do you do something to support a friend or a loved one, but fail to congratulate yourself on finishing a project or achieving a goal?
A study titled " Attractiveness of women with rectovaginal endometriosis: a case-control study," was recently retracted due to backlash from both the public and the medical community. If you're like me, you may wonder how such a superficial and misogynistic study was funded and approved in the first place.
According to my mother, life used to be much simpler when she was growing up in the 1930s and 40s. They didn't have the same kind of violence and anger that we do now.
How to deal with passive-aggressive people Title options from Christine: How to handle when someone is passive-aggressive towards you so you don't lose your cool. 7 Experts give advice on how to deal with the passive-aggressive person in your life. How to identify and handle passive-aggressive
My cats are fed up, but not in the ate too much kibble way and will do a panoramic-vomit. They're annoyed there are over 25 cat holidays, and they've never benefited from any of them.
I was nine-years-old and visiting family in Ireland. I was standing in front of an Irish butcher shop waiting for my uncle. There was a side of beef hanging in the window, and I noticed the butcher stroking the meat and wiping his bloody hands on his stained apron.
Why bother doing anything when Prunella would always do it better, and with the smile of a self-satisfied sociopath? Sure, Prunella was invisible, but I just knew she smirked. My jealousy increased with each story my father told me.
Is it okay if I write a check? Nope, I'd rather write a check. I don't even carry my credit or ATM cards with me. Great. It'll only take a minute.
Like many high school students, I was an idiot - and extremely lucky I didn't get myself killed. I had dumb luck, but without out the part where something unexpectedly good happens, so more like dumbass luck. In the late 1970s, TV movies/Movies of the Week/After School Specials were considered effective teaching tools for teenagers.
Mark, from 10th Grade Spanish, knows how important staying connected to him is for you, so he's letting you know in advance he's leaving Facebook. Mark wants you to be able to handle this transition without losing your shit. He knows how hard it's going to be not to see his "Daily Guffaws" and "What I'm Thinkin' About" posts.
The more you people-please, the further you stray from your true self, and over time, you can lose touch with the real you, and you don't stay true to yourself.
If you're a cat person like me, every death is a tremendous loss; some leave a more massive wound in your heart. When you have a 'hole' like that, you may try to fill it as fast as you can, and for...
"You're cute, but you have a stupid personality," I said to my future boyfriend. He laughed. I remember this clearly because it was the first and last time that I ever made him laugh out loud. I certainly never inspired him to laugh his ass off or roll on the floor laughing.
It's not always easy to find your way in the world, and it can take decades. I worked for a long time at a job that didn't excite or stimulate me creatively, and it certainly wasn't any barometer of success.
There were no winds on that late summer day in Los Angeles. Only twelve hours before, the weather had been full of the dry and frenetic Santa Ana winds - the same winds which blow hot and fierce every year at this time.
"Could you turn the volume down a little?" I ask my boyfriend, Andy, as we make our way up Highway 5 from Los Angeles to the Sacramento area. Once a month, we drive up to see my mother and do...
I'll never watch The End of the F***king World, The Stranger, or Don't F*ck With Cats, even though I normally enjoy watching movies and TV shows about serial killers, young adults, or true-crime. I'm still undecided about Tiger King.
Do you always finish a project before you start another one, or do you get bored or distracted halfway through and abandon it like me? I've been a non-finisher since grade school. I'd get a genius idea I couldn't wait to work on and start with a bang.
I'm sitting on the couch petting our cat Josie, when Yoshi, comes into the room and gives me the look. I shouldn't feel guilty, but I do. It's not as bad as walking the neighbor's dog when they're out of town, but it's the worst kind of emotional affair in Yoshi's mind.
A friend rode naked on the back of a motorcycle to celebrate her 50th birthday. She didn't see fifty as the end of her youth. Instead of hiding from fifty, she embraced it, faced it down, and created new challenges for herself.
This is a big year for my classmates - we're all reaching the age that matches the last two digits of our birth year, and we all have our ways of dealing with this momentous age. One of my classmates...
When you're a cat person, you make an unspoken deal with your cat to provide them food, water, affection, toys, shelter, and safety, and in return, your cat promises you nothing.
It's good for your writing to do something different once in a while Are you finding it harder to write right now? Is it writer's block or do you feel pressured to write something significant? Could it be that you're tired of writing the same articles, essays, and non-fiction that you always write?
My cat, Yoshi, was there to comfort me when his predecessor, Evan, died. Yoshi distracted me from my pain and was ready with kitty-kisses, purrs, and hugs - yes, Yoshi gave hugs. I dreaded Yoshi's death and tried to prepare for it emotionally.
"Yoshi and Ray are enjoying eating ice cream," Frankie (not her real name) said. "Yoshi admits he never ate ice cream when he was alive, but in the afterlife, he can't get enough of it," Frankie* continued.
Shawn would say things like, "I'm the greatest actor around - I'm better than Pacino and DeNiro combined," even though he had never taken an acting class or had an actual role in a movie, T.V. show, or put in any hours at a community theatre.
After tossing and turning Wednesday night, a sleep-deprived Haley Peters, 32, was mystified on Thursday as to why she couldn't get to sleep the previous night. The Kansas City office manager told coworkers that she had tried all her usual sleep tricks including counting sheep, doing a headstand, curling her toes, inhaling through her left nostril, and using a sleep app called, Good Sleeps, but that nothing had worked.
Before I officially get out of bed in the morning, I say some affirmations and then I list the things that I'm grateful for. Since I don't have the entire day, my verbal gratitude list is condensed, and then as I go about my day I bring up other things that I'm grateful for as they pop into my head.
Betrayal is one of those things that you never want to experience, but you probably will more than once. There are massive betrayals such as cheating and infidelity, and smaller ones (but often just as heartbreaking) like gossiping, emotional-cheating, and lying. Unfortunately, betrayal i
Throughout the decades, funny women have had a hard time being taken seriously as female comedians. There was an attitude that women weren't funny and that the only place for them in the comedy-world was as the straight woman who the male comic would use to set up his jokes or bounce his one-liners off of.
When someone refuses to accept an apology, it can be confusing and painful. You don't know what to do, especially if that was your only solution on how to make things better.
We asked some experts to give tips on how to increase self-confidence and the belief that we're all worthy of success, happiness, and love. Understand that self-confidence is a skill: According to the founder of BU Coaching, Decian Edwards, recognizing that self-confidence is a skill like any other is the most important step you can take towards becoming self-confident.
Endometriosis affects over 5.5 million women, according WebMD, and yet many people are confused by it or have no knowledge of it whatsoever.
There's a lot more talk about endometriosis than there used to be, but for some reason when I started to write this, I felt stuck. It felt too intimate in a way to reveal my own struggles with this condition. However, endometriosis affects an estimated 200 million women worldwide including Lena Dunham, Padma Lakshmi, Halsey, Tia Mowry-Hardrict.
I'm snaking my way through the showers to the pool at the gym which is trickier than it sounds. There are a ton of women, mostly all naked, doing all different kinds of activities. Some are showering, but others are looking through their bags for their post-workout-toiletries, while a small group chatting have situated themselves awkwardly in the center between the two rows of showers.
(Ed note: If you haven't seen 13 Reasons Why or if suicide is triggering for you, you might not want to read this piece.) I was excited when I read that Selena Gomez was producing a Netflix series of 13 Reasons Why. I read the book and loved it but I didn't recall being especially affected by it.
I have a friend who is always saying, "People are so nice!" and being genuinely surprised and grateful every time someone does some small thing. But to me, while nice is good, kindness is better. When someone commits an act of kindness, no matter how small, it has a much more substantial result.
One of the hardest things to do is to stay positive and happy when you're around negative people. If you're surrounded by co-workers, friends, or family members who are bitter, easily angered, constantly upset, and cynical, over time their negativity can wear you down.
It's taken me a long time to be okay with failure. When I say okay, I mean not have a meltdown over it. I'm not completely comfortable with failing and making mistakes, but I'm at the place where failure doesn't destroy me, and I'm able to learn from it.
There's a new alternative to ghosting and it's called benching. Instead of a break up, benchers keep stringing you along.
Every day that I was in grade school, my mother would pack me a sensible lunch with carrots, an apple and a tuna sandwich on whole wheat bread. It was very healthy, but screamingly abnormal as far as I was concerned and branded me forever as a lunchtime loser.
I used to be a master grudge holder, and the worst part is that I didn't see it as a negative characteristic. I thought that holding onto grudges made me strong, fierce, and a bad-ass. I didn't see that hanging on to that kind of negativity was hurting myself more than it was hurting others.
I work from home, and it's funny, but self-care is the last on my list of concerns. I worry that I get distracted too easily, that I'm not productive enough, or that I'm not taking my job seriously enough, especially if I'm doing my writing wearing an old tee-shirt and sweatpants.
"How are you?" Is this the best way to start a conversation? Probably not, yet it's what most of us do. However, just because it's a habit to ask how are you, that doesn't mean that's the way it always has to be.
We all know how crucial self-care is to our health and well-being, but somehow, it always seems to get pushed to the side--we get busy, or we put all our energy towards caring for other people rather than ourselves.
Why am I still friends with my ex? It's clear to everyone that knows me, that the healthiest thing I could do for myself is to end all contact with him. But for some reason, I can't cut my ex entirely out of my life.
Want to shake up your social life without feeling overwhelmed? Have a grown-up tea party!! When you hear the words tea-party you might think of stuffy, formal teas, or the more festive and girly teas thrown for baby-showers, but the truth is that teas can be as cool and modern as you make them.
Do you ever compare yourself to others? It's so easy to do that sometimes we're not even aware that we're doing it. You see someone's Instagram and think how you wish your life was as amazing as theirs is or someone achieves one of your careers goals and you mentally beat yourself up for not doing better.
Where did the summer go? I can't count how many times in my life that I've asked myself that question. Summer always seems to be over before I know it and if I didn't go on vacation or do anything summery, I feel cheated. So, this year, I decided to make a summer bucket list.
When fat people are honest about their appetites regarding food and sex, it makes many people uncomfortable. Many people believe that fat people are already too much. Any hunger we might have is considered excessive, so that we when we do try to satisfy our cravings, we're thought of as indulgent and undisciplined.
I used to believe that when someone was described as being self-aware, it meant that they were conceited and full of themselves-that there wasn't enough room in their brain to think about anyone else. I wondered why I'd ever want to be around someone who was so self-obsessed, let alone be the kind of person who considered themselves self-aware.
I recently wrote an article about men who have sex with fat women but refuse to date them. What I didn't talk about is another kind of user - the men who date and have sex with fat women, but only for a short time, and only for the purpose of building up their egos.
As unbelievable as it may seem, fat women love sex - and not because we're desperate for any small scrap of attention. We enjoy the sensual pleasure of being touched, the connection we feel when we're intimate with another person, and the chemical reaction that our bodies go through when we're having sex.
The struggles that only women with endometriosis can really understand.
For people who have very little patience, it feels as if the world around them is stuck on one speed - Not fast enough. When the impatient person is in a restaurant it feels like forever to get for them to get their order. Seriously, how long does it take to cook bacon?
When I was 13, I found an old, empty-of-glass, window frame on top of a pile of trash at a construction site. I lifted the frame up, looked at it, and decided right then to do a weaving inside of it for my arts and crafts project.
I'm sitting in a medical office waiting room that could have been decorated in the late 1970s with its dirty beige and military green walls, and uncomfortable metal chairs. The room has a cheerless and oppressive feel and isn't a place that you want to be in any longer than necessary.
Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa are nearly here. Every mall has their Santa's workshop primed and ready for tiny guests with their long lists, the go-ahead has been given to play non-stop holiday music, and loved ones are returning home so they can be with their families.
"Planet of the Apes," "Beneath the Planet of the Apes," "Escape from the Planet of the Apes" and "Conquest of the Planet of the Apes" would all be shown in their entirety at the Garden Theater. So many apes and escapes, and I couldn't tell you the plot lines of any of them.
"Can you look up Charlie on your magic box?" my mother asks. "Magic box" is her name for computers and Charlie is the name of the only man she ever loved. I'm visiting her in the tiny Sacramento delta town she lives in.
My parents met-cute when my dad showed up at my mother's house a day early for a party. My mother was in the middle of cleaning up her apartment when she heard a knock on the door. She opened it to find a short, dark-haired man who thought he had arrived right on time for a fun get-together.
The first time I saw "The Rocky Horror Picture Show," I was 15 and shocked and titillated by what was happening on the screen. But, by the end of the movie, I was completely hooked. For my friends and I, seeing a Rocky Horror midnight show became what we did on Friday nights.
Before I started to write for Ravishly, I never used the word fat, and I rarely mentioned by body-type. But since then, I've tried to be more honest and have worked towards self-acceptance which includes coming to terms and owning the word fat.
My boyfriend and I met online; it took me about two years of meeting and dating a bunch of creepsters for me to find him eventually. Dating is complicated for any woman, but for one who is plus-sized, it's even more challenging.
When my boyfriend and I go someplace where smokers are, he gets very agitated. He waves the smoke out of his face with an overexaggerated gesture, starts uncontrollably fake coughing, and fixates on the smokers with his stink-eye. Why does he feel that he has to send a message?
I grew up in a fatphobic household - one that was created by my mother's fear of getting and staying fat. Her fatphobia, often directed at me, was then reinforced by my brother, and unconsciously supported by my father.
I'm riding my bike around a local community center on a Sunday morning. The air is crisp and fresh - a rarity in Los Angeles - and I enjoy feeling the cool air against my skin as I ride.
"You have Stage 4 Lipedema. It's a rare fat disease. Your bottom half told me." You might wonder who said this to me. Was it a friend? A doctor? Someone close to me in the medical profession? No, it wasn't anybody like that.
There are just some friendships that last forever, no matter how different you are. But what happens when you're closer to your best friend than your boyfriend? Here's how you can still love your partner and stay super close with your best friend.
It's hard to come to terms with a breakup, but once you've moved on, you probably wonder what your ex is doing. And sometimes, they are killing it at life. Here's what to do when your ex is successful and you're still chasing your dreams.
"Allie, you need to go on a diet, your ass is huge," I say. No, I'm not a complete asshole, Allie is my cat. I've been saying these fatphobic things to her for a while, but only recently realized that when I fat-shame her, I'm fat-shaming myself.
Some of our happiest moments are those when we think that no one is watching: when we sing at the top of our lungs in our cars, or we dance down the frozen-food aisle of the supermarket allowing ourselves the freedom to let our inner child out.
This wasn't a neighborhood bully taunting me on my way to school - this is what I said to myself all day long, well into adulthood. The bully was me, and like most bullies, I relentlessly tormented my victim with verbal and physical abuse. I was the bully of my own body.
A good friend of mine lives in Paris, and although I've visited him in the past, there's no chance that I'll ever visit him there again. The reason for my refusal isn't that I think the City of Lights is a terrible place, it's just that it won't be only me going; it will be me, my anxiety and my fear - and those two complicate everything in my life.
The tributes have stopped and the world has moved on. I, however, continue to cry, question, and grieve Robin William's passing. I feel an overwhelming sadness for Robin, yet when my own brother died, I felt almost nothing.Am I still mourning Robin Williams because I could not mourn my brother?
Being in relationship with damaged men says more about you than it does about them.
It's National Humor Month, so it's the perfect time to remind you why funny women are sexy. There was a time that the general consensus was that women couldn't be funny, that they were less funny than men, and that there was no way that women could be attractive and funny at the same time.
Sometimes you're lucky and have the type of neighbor who will sign for your packages and deliver them to you the moment you get home. Other times, you might not be as fortunate in the neighbor lottery and end up living next door to your neighborhood's version of Walter White and his meth superlab.
When you're too nice to other people, the one person you hurt the most is yourself.
Breakups are one thing. But a breakup letter from your own mother? "She's my closest living relative and I'm not ready to have her gone from my life entirely."
You know that feeling you get when you are just starting to date someone? You feel excited, happy, and apprehensive at the same time. If you think about it, didn't you get that same feeling when How To Get Away With Murder started? You wonder what surprising wonderfulness is coming your way.
We've been together for over 14 years, and have never gotten married. We're deeply committed to each other, but sometimes the belief in a relationship can be tested when you least expect it. Andy and I stay seated watching the names scroll down the screen.
My brother, Frederick, was eight when I was born. I don't know if he was happy to have a sister or resented me being born, as it was difficult to get any kind of reading on what he was thinking or feeling.
There are many benefits to loving cheese, aside from the good taste of course. Here's some of them.
If any of your friends constantly bring out negativity, you need to let them go and end the friendship.
One woman explains her brief adventures as a plus-size Dominatrix in the world of BDSM and kink.
My mother hates Mother's Day. I try to see it as a blessing that Mother's Day is the one day a year where having a parent who doesn't want to be a parent really pays off.
No, it's not that I'm a Born-Again Christian, it's just that I freak out for men who look like Jesus. I find their long hair, dark beards, and sad eyes, practically irresistible. The truth is Jesus is hot.
Is there anything worse than being dumped? Don't answer that. I know that basically there are lot of things worse than being dumped by your boyfriend or girlfriend, but there's something so raw and personal about being dumped. It feels personal because it absolutely is personal. All the emotions
Since it's Shakespeare's birthday, or the day we celebrate his birthday, because like the authorship of some of his plays, we can't be sure of the validity of this information, so let's just act as if it truly is his birthday. Happy birthday Will! Woo hoo, you don't look a day over 449!
Losing your virginity to an older man seems right when you're younger, but you don't really know who someone is on the outside.
Cats pretty much rule the world as they manipulate people with their cuteness. Once they've hooked you, you're powerless against them, and they will implant themselves in your heart forever. Very few people who lose their cat remain cat-less. Most people after they've grieved for a while get
Have you ever noticed how people have a tendency to look like their pets? Well the same goes for couples who've been together for a while-they not only start to look alike, they act alike too. It's one of those habits of long-term couples we all know to be true.
Have you ever broken up with someone long before you should have? Maybe you thought the person wasn't good enough for you or that you could do better. Perhaps you broke up while the relationship still worked, but you decided that since everybody left you at some point, you might as well make a preemptive strike.
I forgot to eat. I skipped lunch today. I could eat the same thing every single day. A true foodie wouldn't say any of those things. Foodies are people who love food, but not just as fuel for their bodies.
If you picture all California girls as blonde, blue-eyed, completely shallow females who compensate what they lack in intelligence with attitude, then you've got it completely wrong. There are all different kinds of California girls, not just the cliché kind, and if you don't know any, you're
We all have endless amounts of stories to share simply because we're alive. Sh*t happens to us that we can't wait to tell other people about. We overshare, we rant, and we become addicted to our own verbal-selfies.
After receiving a breakup letter from my mother, I waited about a month and called her. I should have waited two months, or maybe I should have started our break from each other right then and there.
Why in the world would anybody in their right mind want to get involved with a sarcastic woman? I mean, dating a sarcastic woman would be like choosing to spend time with someone who was highly intelligent, sexy as hell, hilarious, and had an unique point of view. Who wants that?
When Andy and I moved in together there was no question that he'd bring his cat and I'd bring mine; it was like the Brady Bunch-only with cats. Kitties have always been part of the equation with us, and loving cats is something that binds us together.
We all have our awkward moments - those times when we don't know what to do with our hands, or we say something completely inappropriate at an important dinner party. But awkward people don't just have occasional awkward moments, they have a gazillion awkward moments. They're so awkward that it
I was single for a very long time before I got together with my current boyfriend. And when I say "a long time," I mean practically forever.
"It's as if someone called you a whore," Meagan* said without apology. I was stunned she was bringing it up again. I thought we were having a lunch date, I didn't realize it was just another opportunity for her to berate me about a social blunder that happened months ago.
As I sat down to write this piece, I thought about all the ways I could start it. I finally decided after thinking about it for a short (not that short) while, that I should say I'm a chronic over-thinker and that I have a tendency to over-analyze almost everything.
A woman has her own experience dating a man who enjoys kinky sex, while she prefers "vanilla" sex. Although she tries to talk herself into dating the guy, with hopes that they can maybe come to an agreement, in the end it's just not the same as a 50 shades novel.
While other little girls draped white towels around their heads pretending to be brides, I was playing Naked Car Accident by putting the world's most famous (doll) super couple, Barbie and Ken in Barbie's pink convertible, and throwing the unclothed duo down the stairs. I know it sounds kind of
We've all had that shocking moment of truth,where you quickly try to evaluate what you could've done to make someone delete you off Facebook. Unfortunately, we'll never know but here are the five stages you go through right after you've discovered someone has unfriended you from Facebook.
Living with people in a roommate situation can be challenging, and things can get tense. Sometimes you can work out your differences, and other times you can't, making a parting of the ways your best solution.
Peanut butter and chocolate, ice cream and cake, and hot dogs and mustard are OK, but ice cubes and cereal? Thanks to our friend, the internet, putting ice cubes in your cereal is now a thing.
"Do you know anyone in Karachi, Pakistan?" the customer service agent asked me for a second time.I could tell by the tone of her voice that she was getting annoyed, but I couldn't answer her right away. To most people it didn't sound like the trick question it was for me.
An artist is always in the process of creating, even if it's while they're brushing their teeth or standing in line at the DMV; they're looking at things with their own unique point of view. If you are dating an artist, you may be their inspiration for their art.
Fifty Shades of Grey had period sex in it, and blood hounds (people who aren't just OK with period sex, they seek it out) are now considered a thing, perhaps period sex isn't such a taboo any longer, but a type of sex that people shouldn't avoid, but embrace.
I was getting out of control when I went online searching for free love spell. When I met my ex, we immediately clicked. He loved theater, travel and books - things I loved too. He wasn't what most people would think of as a hot but I found him incredibly attractive with his geeky yet cute face.
I opened the envelope, and pulled the letter out. It was at least six pages. I glanced over it and saw words like "disappointed," "behavior," "crappy," and "finished." The letter arrived today. Although I won't mark it return to sender, neither will I read the whole thing in one sitting.
I'm standing in a messy line of people that weaves around a corner, through a curtain, and then disappears. Where the line actually ends, nobody knows. We're on what appears to be the purgatory level of the Castro Theater in San Francisco.
Stinkos by Christine Schoenwald We had two ginkgo trees in front of our house on Cherry Ave in San Jose, Calif. Ginkgo trees have lovely, fan shaped, light green leaves. Falling from their branches, they look like wounded dancers as they flutter to the pavement.
She's listened to you rant about what an asshat your ex was, comforted you when your heart was broken in a million pieces and been super excited for you when all your hard work paid off.
I was going on my seventh month of unemployment, when I decided to become a Dominatrix. I had worked as a personal assistant, long-distance operator, and a customer-service clerk, but there was nothing on my resume to suggest that I'd be good at fetish work.